Self Talk: Transmuting Criticism to Kindness
Self Talk and Inner Voice
The relationship we have with ourselves can be one of our most valued experiences in life. Excitement, exploration, intimacy and connection are just a few of the qualities that can spring up when our relationship with ourselves is enriched and tended to. What happens when this relationship is neglected, malnourished, and stunted? These are the perfect conditions for negative self-talk to multiply and metastasize to other aspects of life.
What is Self-Talk?
Many people speak to themselves, whether internally or externally. Self-talk can encourage you to try something outside of your comfort zone (“I might enjoy this new food!” or be that extra boost of support that could be the difference between success and failure (“Don’t give up, you got this!”. Self-talk can take on many forms, from encouraging to discouraging. Being in tune with your internal dialogue can be a game-changer!
Impacts of Negative Self-Talk
How can negative self-talk factor into your daily life? It has the potential to alter your views toward yourself and others. Negative self-talk is limiting, unsupportive and harmful to your self-esteem. Low self-esteem is linked to higher levels of depression and anxiety (Battle,1978). Experiencing depression and anxiety is linked to higher levels of cortisol, which harms physical health (Burke,et al., 2005).
Negative self-talk can look like the following:
• “I never can get it right!”
• “I am the worst at this.”
• “No one could like me, let alone love me.”
• “I’ve made so many mistakes; I am a bad person.”
• “Who could love someone like me?”
How to Transmute Negative into Positive
Changing old habits can be tough to do in the long run and almost impossible to do overnight. Working on your internal and external dialogue with yourself requires patience and reasonable expectations. Odds are these habits were not created in a blink and will not be replaced in a blink. With that said, here are a few things you can do to transform your self-talk into something that works for you and not against you!
• Cultivate space and notice your thoughts as they come up. Try not to attach to the thoughts; simply notice them.
• Once you notice the thoughts, pay attention to the tone they are being delivered in.
• Challenge any thoughts that are negative or overly critical with a positive statement.
• Check to see if the negative statements are true or false. Most of the time, they tend to be false!
• Ask yourself if you would talk to a friend like this. If the answer is no, then there is an opportunity to be kinder to yourself.
• Practice makes perfect better.
• Check in with yourself for a few minutes each day to see how you are doing.
Moving Forward
I hope that this blog has been of help to you in some way. I encourage you to practice what works best for you and leave what does not. Recreating new habits can be a challenging experience at first, but like with most things, the practice does get easier with time and commitment.
Sincerely- Hassan
References
Battle, J. (1978). Relationship between self-esteem and depression. Psychological reports, 42(3), 745-746.
Burke, H. M., Davis, M. C., Otte, C., & Mohr, D. C. (2005). Depression and cortisol responses to psychological stress: a meta-analysis. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 30(9), 846-856.
