Healing Through Toxic Masculinity: 5 Things You Should Know

You have probably heard the term “toxic masculinity” come up in your friend circle or through social media platforms by now. What does it mean for a man to embody toxic traits and how did this come about? What impact does this have on males and the people they interact with? These are few questions I hope to answer or at the very least provide more information towards.

What is Toxic Masculinity?

Though it is difficult to narrow down the precise definition of this term, we can identify some of the qualities that are exhibited when the traditional masculine gender role crosses from healthy to unhealthy.

Toxic qualities

·        An inability to feel one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.

·        A lack of communication skills or willingness to explore opinions and thoughts of others.

·        Reluctance to venture into experiences considered to be non-masculine.

·        Difficulties admitting fault.

·        An attraction towards violence, verbal, physical or sexual in nature.

·        Hyper-independence

·        Limited range of emotions. Typical emotions felt are frustration, anger, and irritability.

How did we get here?

Toxic masculinity has developed over time as humanity has transformed technologically, culturally, and economically. Gender norms begin to influence our development even before we are birthed as evidenced by the clothes our parents buy us once the gender is known. Blue for boys and pink for girls. From dolls, kitchen sets, and princess costumes to action figures, play-swords, and race cars, the expectations are laid on little humans and without reserve.

From a young age, little boys are taught with fervor to “suck it up”, “big boys don’t cry” and to “be a man.” Through positive reinforcement via parental and societal praise, men are taught from an early age what is acceptable, expected and what is intolerable.

Through socialization these expectations and binary roles are reinforced by their peers who have been taught similar ideologies. To act outside of these parameters is to incur social isolation. To be isolated is one of the most difficult experiences for a human to experience due to our biological wiring to be one with the pack. It is no wonder why conforming to these expectations can create a heavy pressure on the individual, it is as if though their very survival depends on it.

What is the impact of Toxic Masculinity?

The impact of toxic masculinity ranges from relationship difficulties to poor health and shorter life expectancies. Below I will go over a few of the impacts that toxic masculinity may have on you or a loved one. It is important to know that the items listed below is not a total list but merely a few ways that toxic masculinity has an impact on our lives.

·       Health issues such as hypertension, cardiac arrest, and cancer are increased in men that exhibit qualities of toxic masculinity. Men are less likely to engage in preventative care due to not seeking help for bodily concerns that are impacting them.

·       Marital and relationship difficulties increase in men that are unable to express their feelings or are not emotionally available/receptive to their partners feelings. This can be a spiraling cycle of loneliness for all involved parties.

·       Men that exhibit qualities of toxic masculinity have difficulties creating healthy relationships with their children. They may not feel comfortable connecting with their child due in part to not understanding or recognizing vulnerable aspects of themselves.

·       Aggression, domestic violence, and engagement in criminal activities increase in men that are encouraged to only express anger and frustration.

·       Aspects of men’s personality such as creativity are stifled in men that are intertwined with toxic masculinity.

What can you do to help?

Here are some things you can do to help those caught in the grips of unhealthy masculine roles.

·       Provide a space where feelings and emotions can not only be expressed but welcomed.

·       Allow for young boys to explore traditionally considered “feminine” experiences such as cooking, dancing, or acting.

·       Encourage therapy for boys and men that may have difficulty stepping outside of their gender roles.

·       Support asking for help!

·       Reach out to your male friends to check in on them on an emotional level

·       Normalize talking about feelings.

Helpful Resources

·        Reach out to us for a free 15-minute consultation if you or someone you know could benefit from therapy to heal through the impacts of toxic masculinity.

·        Contact 988 if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues. This number will connect you to the National Suicide Hotline.

·        NAMI - This website offers great information towards a variety of issues pertaining to mental health.

·        SAMHSA - This website offers resources and connects individuals to help for substance use and other issues that relate to toxic masculinity.

·        MHA-HOUSTON - For those located in Houston, Texas, This website offers local resources for mental health concerns.